Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
