I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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