well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
