weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
