Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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