Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
