I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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