I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
