Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want a musical about memes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
