I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize