Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
