I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Operation Purity has been aborted
bring money and cleavage
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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