It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
