I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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