so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
