Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
