The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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