I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm too high and old for this...
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