I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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