Will you blow on my dice?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize