It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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