mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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