i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
