i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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