Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
