If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
