Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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