So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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