just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
