people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
