You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
