absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
