Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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