he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
MIDGETS
????
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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