She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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