Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize