i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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