do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
