I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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