trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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