Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
