C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
