You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
