he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
