you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
