Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
