i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
