it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
