If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
