dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
