He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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