Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
