honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
