I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
