farters have to be the big spoon...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
