I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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