I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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