Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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  (305): If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me? http://tfl.nu/0xff
  Replies (13) Good night (640) Bad night (2161)
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  (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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  (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you http://tfl.nu/hdb5
  Replies (17) Good night (1089) Bad night (4070)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.

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  (615): just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here. http://tfl.nu/npdf
  Replies (19) Good night (947) Bad night (4633)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?

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  (203): I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night? http://tfl.nu/u6ad
  Replies (6) Good night (5321) Bad night (1363)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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  (905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4853) Bad night (1345)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you

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  (260): you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you http://tfl.nu/iz7v
  Replies (6) Good night (3893) Bad night (974)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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  (317): Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom. http://tfl.nu/x6uc
  Replies (17) Good night (3716) Bad night (1479)
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  (818): View more from California

  I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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  (818): I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project http://tfl.nu/g4w5
  Replies (6) Good night (2691) Bad night (1251)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

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  (203): Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/gq2j
  Replies (27) Good night (2791) Bad night (764)
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  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (2108) Bad night (1039)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death

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  (262): You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death http://tfl.nu/q3md
  Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (779)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.

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  (970): I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone. http://tfl.nu/5jkg
  Replies (7) Good night (565) Bad night (1520)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  He said he wanted to "superfuck" me

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Does he wear a cape??

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  (812): He said he wanted to "superfuck" me (678): Does he wear a cape?? http://tfl.nu/0f5n
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (389)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.

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  (614): Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars. http://tfl.nu/nben
  Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (367)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!

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  (+44): We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA! http://tfl.nu/862o
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (312)

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