i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.