Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it