Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
