ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.