so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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