I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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