yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can text with my tongue
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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