Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
