on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
