Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
