At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
