i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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