Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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